OK first off...way too long since I blogged, seriously ridiculous and I should be banned from it if I go that long again. There has been so much that has gone since I last blogged that I will sum it up real quick. Hubby "loses" job, joins army, we get pregnant, he deploys. However the reason for this blog is to share the story of Charlotte Anne Kennedy
As most of you know reading this, before getting pregnant we have three beautiful girls. I was never having anymore and had no intentions of getting pregnant again. Life was less complicated. The girls are old enough where they can make their own breakfast, clean up after themselves, sleep in late (8:00), allow me to take naps and not have to worry if I will wake up to my house still standing, no diapers, no carrying around diaper bags, no toddlers, etc etc etc. Need I go on? However God decides to put on my heart sometime in Julyish of 2009 that I would indeed have another one. I told Him to not tell me this and I am not interested and I am not going to listen. (Now you would think after all I had been through that arguing with God is pointless and if He has a plan of more children it will happen, but I digress) This was put very heavily on my heart constantly and for a month I kept saying, "You are not talking to me." Finally, my heart was softened and I started entertaining the idea and thought it might be nice to have a baby and do this all over again. I told my husband what God had put on my heart and he tells me " I was thinking the same thing." So there was my confirmation. Basically, we did not actively "try". Meaning I did not check ovulation, check my temperature, blah, blah, blah. We just did not use anything to prevent it so we knew it was not "if" but "when" that was the mystery. Well, 6 months later I get a call from my sister n law Barb telling me she was pregnant, which is another story all in itself. To which I said "Come to think of it, I need to take a pregnancy test, too." I did, but if I remember correctly it was negative but the one a week later was positive. So needless to say Barb and I were due 13 days apart, which leads to very excited in laws. So we were all excited and got the typical questions when you have three girls "So are you hoping it's a boy?" To which I either jokingly said "No, I hope it is a cat" or "We don't really care." We honestly did not. We are just happy with what we have. However, this pregnancy was not like any other and I could have sworn she was a boy. She was very very active. Lots of punching and kicking to which the other three girls just rolled and stretched, I got morning sickness every afternoon for three months, My ankles were swollen from eight weeks on, got heart burn, and braxton hicks contractions. I was completely convinced it was a boy. Of course, we find out it is a girl. Naming her was interesting as because we could not agree on a name until Barb's daughter thought we should name her Charli which was a nickname for one of her friend's, Charlotte. I said I liked it, Doug said "Maybe." and I said that is her name unless I hear otherwise. Great pregnancy and we just hoped Doug would be able to get back for the birth. We prayed. I prayed that she would and at the same time towards the end was just so uncomfortable that I just wanted her out. Her due date was Nov 28th. I never had any of the other girls early so I was pretty sure she would not come until after Doug got here because he flew out on Tues, Nov. 23rd. I also had my doctor appointment on that day and she said I was 1cm dilated and she separated my membranes (I only recommend this if you would like to be tortured) Still, I thought " Hopefully this keeps me from going too late or getting induced" Well, here we come to Thanksgiving. I made a pie the day before and was getting ready to have a nice Thanksgiving dinner and my husband coming home that night (which was also a wonderful, glorious answer to prayer) Charlotte decided she had other plans. I woke up at 4:30 a.m to mild contractions and decided to clean my room. The laundry was everywhere and I was not going back to bed since I was alert. I did, though, after that and was awoken at around 6 to some painful contractions. I called the next door neighbor and I drove to the hospital. They analyzed and monitored and said I was at 2cm. (I thought that was wrong because these contractions were painful and I was having to breathe through them.) They said go home for a couple hours, walk it off and come back. (This is also normal for me. I labor and give birth quickly. The last two I was sent home and was back 6-7 hours later) So, I go home and go to bed. I was awoken at 8:30ish to contractions that were painful but about 10 min apart. Then they got worse and at 9ish they were not stopping and my girls were scared and mortified. I had never ever had pain like this. I felt like I had been induced. My mother- n- law on the phone convinced Abby I needed to go and go now. So I did. Yes, I drove myself but the hospital is literally 2 min down the road. I got there and had a nice pregnant couple get me a wheelchair to get in because there was no way I could walk any further other than the front area. I did not know who this couple was but they were awesome and thanks is given. I get into the the monitoring area again and she said you are at 6 or 7 cm. (try peeing in cup during contractions... yeah, that was joyous) They had me walk directly across the hall to the birthing room to which I laid down breathed and screamed out a couple times and told them there is a lot of pressure, she checked me and said you are ready to go. I said "Get this baby out of me now!" They got the doctor. He comes in and I said "I need to push." He said "Don't you dare." ( His reasoning is he was not even prepped or ready, He was washing his hands when he said it. He comes over and says "Next contraction push." So I did. One push, thank you very much, and she was out 9:39 A.M. No time for an episotomy, so, I tore. But I did not care because I no longer was wanting to strangle all around me and was not in pain anymore. I also did not get an epidural which is by choice but also there was no time to even get one even if I wanted too. However, I honestly would have if I was going to have the pain I was having for a few hours. Charlotte Anne was born on Thanksgiving day, three days early, and my husband finds out on the phone when he called me. Yes, it sucked he missed the birth but I think I would have missed it, too, if I blinked hard enough. I mean seriously, fastest delivery ever. If we have another one, I will probably insist they not send me home and warn them that I will give birth at home if they don't keep me.
just my ramblings on my life that strives to be filled with grace and becoming more like Christ
Saturday, November 27, 2010
Thursday, February 18, 2010
The Guernsey Litereary and potato peel pie society
The Guernsey Literary and Potato Peel Pie SocietyIt is truly sad that I have not blogged in such a long time. As a matter of fact, it has been so long that for a brief moment in time I forgot my log in information. This is something I plan to remedy and plan to blog more often. Especially with the many changes that will be happening in the coming months. The hubby will be deploying, however for security reasons I will not say when or where and if you must know then email me and if I know you, then I will tell you. My friend Dana started an online book club through Facebook and for the first book was the one in the title of this blog. I had never heard of it and was skeptical. The title alone intrigued me. However, it took me a little bit to like it. I am not a "read a book that is written as a diary of letters" type. However, this has turned into my favorite book. I know I will read it again. It is historical fiction and a love story at the same time. It was enjoyable to become part of the lives of characters and feel like I was actually there. I laughed and cried. I related well to the main character, Juliet. I am so much like her. It really is highly recommended to read. I still will be getting back to my list of "100 best novels" As for now, because I want to see the movie and my type A personality of sticking to my rule of "read the book, then watch the movie", I will be reading "The Time Travelers Wife" I will update seperately on life here at Fort Stewart, which I can honestly say is well.
Thursday, November 5, 2009
this week
I am copying the emails I sent out to give the full picture of what we have been dealing with the past week. The hospital we were at did not have wireless internet nor did it allow me to access my blog on the computer available. So here is insight to my life the past seven days:
MOnday evening
This has been not only a ver ytiring experience it has been the worst experience ever. She is so much pain. They are giving her morphine but it still hurts. I never imagined that I would have to see my child go through this. We had to go down to do a swallow test this afternoon, which did not go well and she will be going back down tomorrow. I have decided that I will not go with her in the hopes that me not being there, she will be more compliant.
She has been on oxygen but seems to be breathing better that she has not needed it for now. She also has decided to use me as her "mental punching bag" I am the closest to her and she has decided to take her anger out on me for the most part. (lots of yelling, dirty looks, and statements such as "I don't trust you") This has been one of the hardest things to deal with and also the fact that I can't help her feel better. There have been lots of tears and prayers. I did talk to her this afternoon to let her know that i know she is in pain and angry but it still does not give her the right to disrespect me and other adults and let her know she was being very hurtful in the things she says. She has apologized profusely and seems to be better.
Pray for strength for me. I am emotionally drained at the moment.
Wed
Abby is doing much much better. They have changed her pain meds from Morphine to an ibuprofen type every six hours. She actually slept almost all night, only woke up once to go to the bathroom. SHe sat up by herself and and almost got out of bed by herself. She is also much nicer not being on the morphine. I think the morphine made her personality change slightly. She was just plain nasty to be around on that. She hated everybody. AS I said in my previous email, she was very disrespectful to all adults. SHe said after her swallow tests "these doctors are stupid. they don't know anything." and looked at me and said "you are so mean. who are you? you are not my mother." (you must add some drama to the last one to get the full picture) The phrase "oh my God" was used a lot which is something we do not ever let our children say just to say it. (I just pretended like she was crying out to God at the point and telling her not to in her state would have been pointless and she probably does not remember saying it anyway) SHe also would look at herself in the mirror everytime she got up to go to the bathroom and say "I look hideous." because she did not want to wear a shirt because it irritated her stomach. THis was very heartbreaking and reassured her she was beautiful. She also said "I look like a potato chip" (which made me laugh because she still had the iodine stain on her belly from surgery so her tummy has an orange color)
Today DOug is here and will be a much better day. She has another swallow test today. THis should go much better due to the meds change and I have decided to not go down while she does, in the hopes that she will do much better without me there. (kind of like the same concept as to why I don't want to teach my children at church. They do much better when I am not teaching them there.) going to go get some coffee...I need it.
today
SHe is now eating!!! SHe is on a liquid diet...not just clear liquids, so she can have ice cream, chocolate milk, pudding, soups etc etc etc. the swallow test went well. Hopefully go home tomorrow but it may be Friday
we might get to leave today as long as she is able to eat without any pain. I am thinking we will because she has been doing great. they are taking her off her IV nutrition and she is still on liquids. SHe is also in a much better mood and we have been more on top of her being respectful. SHe has all her stuffed animals on a shelf and can earn them back a few at a time. She needs to say please , yes maam, no maam, and actually speak to the adults when they come in the room when they speak to her. She said "do you think you need to teach me manners..I did not forget them" which I said, "apparently you did, since you want to yell and whine and demand everything" (she has regressed toacting like a three year old) After the taking away of the stuffed animals she improved greatly...especially when I threatened that the panda would go to if she kept it up. (she has a stuffed panda that is with her always everywhere and traumatic if it gets lost) more updates will follow
We are now at my mother n law's and she is doing well. BAck to her happy self. SHe is very happy to eat without being attached to an IV pole. SHe is walking around and able to get up and down from a sitting position without help. She is just mildly uncomfortable. The doctor has said she can have crab starting Monday and she is ecstatic since that is her favorite food on the planet. THis has definitely been quite an experience. SHe will never have a normal esophagus and needs the aid of gravity for everything to move to her stomach so she must eat or stand to eat and then be sitting or standing for about 15 min afterwards. I will also continuie to not let her eat two hours before bedtime.
God is still in control and has kept me from losing it and having a nervous breakdown through all of this.
MOnday evening
This has been not only a ver ytiring experience it has been the worst experience ever. She is so much pain. They are giving her morphine but it still hurts. I never imagined that I would have to see my child go through this. We had to go down to do a swallow test this afternoon, which did not go well and she will be going back down tomorrow. I have decided that I will not go with her in the hopes that me not being there, she will be more compliant.
She has been on oxygen but seems to be breathing better that she has not needed it for now. She also has decided to use me as her "mental punching bag" I am the closest to her and she has decided to take her anger out on me for the most part. (lots of yelling, dirty looks, and statements such as "I don't trust you") This has been one of the hardest things to deal with and also the fact that I can't help her feel better. There have been lots of tears and prayers. I did talk to her this afternoon to let her know that i know she is in pain and angry but it still does not give her the right to disrespect me and other adults and let her know she was being very hurtful in the things she says. She has apologized profusely and seems to be better.
Pray for strength for me. I am emotionally drained at the moment.
Wed
Abby is doing much much better. They have changed her pain meds from Morphine to an ibuprofen type every six hours. She actually slept almost all night, only woke up once to go to the bathroom. SHe sat up by herself and and almost got out of bed by herself. She is also much nicer not being on the morphine. I think the morphine made her personality change slightly. She was just plain nasty to be around on that. She hated everybody. AS I said in my previous email, she was very disrespectful to all adults. SHe said after her swallow tests "these doctors are stupid. they don't know anything." and looked at me and said "you are so mean. who are you? you are not my mother." (you must add some drama to the last one to get the full picture) The phrase "oh my God" was used a lot which is something we do not ever let our children say just to say it. (I just pretended like she was crying out to God at the point and telling her not to in her state would have been pointless and she probably does not remember saying it anyway) SHe also would look at herself in the mirror everytime she got up to go to the bathroom and say "I look hideous." because she did not want to wear a shirt because it irritated her stomach. THis was very heartbreaking and reassured her she was beautiful. She also said "I look like a potato chip" (which made me laugh because she still had the iodine stain on her belly from surgery so her tummy has an orange color)
Today DOug is here and will be a much better day. She has another swallow test today. THis should go much better due to the meds change and I have decided to not go down while she does, in the hopes that she will do much better without me there. (kind of like the same concept as to why I don't want to teach my children at church. They do much better when I am not teaching them there.) going to go get some coffee...I need it.
today
SHe is now eating!!! SHe is on a liquid diet...not just clear liquids, so she can have ice cream, chocolate milk, pudding, soups etc etc etc. the swallow test went well. Hopefully go home tomorrow but it may be Friday
we might get to leave today as long as she is able to eat without any pain. I am thinking we will because she has been doing great. they are taking her off her IV nutrition and she is still on liquids. SHe is also in a much better mood and we have been more on top of her being respectful. SHe has all her stuffed animals on a shelf and can earn them back a few at a time. She needs to say please , yes maam, no maam, and actually speak to the adults when they come in the room when they speak to her. She said "do you think you need to teach me manners..I did not forget them" which I said, "apparently you did, since you want to yell and whine and demand everything" (she has regressed toacting like a three year old) After the taking away of the stuffed animals she improved greatly...especially when I threatened that the panda would go to if she kept it up. (she has a stuffed panda that is with her always everywhere and traumatic if it gets lost) more updates will follow
We are now at my mother n law's and she is doing well. BAck to her happy self. SHe is very happy to eat without being attached to an IV pole. SHe is walking around and able to get up and down from a sitting position without help. She is just mildly uncomfortable. The doctor has said she can have crab starting Monday and she is ecstatic since that is her favorite food on the planet. THis has definitely been quite an experience. SHe will never have a normal esophagus and needs the aid of gravity for everything to move to her stomach so she must eat or stand to eat and then be sitting or standing for about 15 min afterwards. I will also continuie to not let her eat two hours before bedtime.
God is still in control and has kept me from losing it and having a nervous breakdown through all of this.
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