convictions

So for a little while now I have been struggling with agitation.  Could never find the reason.  There seemed to be no particular reason.  I just felt on edge, agitated, and wanted to, at times, crawl out of my own skin.   I feel like God wanted something more out of me, something more that I just could not put my finger on, until church yesterday.  While I wish the message would have come earlier but God's timing is perfect and I probably would not have heard it otherwise. The message was on unity.  Disunity happens when people do not handle conflict the correct way biblically.   This is the one that really got me:

If your brother sins against you, go and tell him his fault, between you and him alone. If he listens to you, you have gained your brother.  Matthew 18:15


Ok, I do this.  I have no problem going to a person that has wronged me and working it out between me and them.  I, at times, don't do it between  that person and I alone.   There will be people that annoy me sometimes.  So I will complain.  I am not necessarily mad at the person, just things people do, sometimes, irk me.  So I have repented.  I am going to strive to only speak "words that breathe life and  not death".  In other words, I only want to speak positively of others.  Let's be real.  I am not going to be all Pollyanna on y'all and think every person is just a rainbow of sunshine and every intention is good. That is not realistic.  However, I don't want to talk negatively about anybody.  I want to put myself in their shoes.   I also don't want to ask about how somebody is unless I would actually talk to that person myself and ask them.   When I do this, it tends to lead to gossipy conversations.  I don't want to be like that or do that.   I also realize that this will be tested this week, being I have claimed that I will not do this anymore.  I will actively, everyday, have to put on my full armor and be in for the fight.  If people need encouragement or advice on how to handle a situation with people then I will make sure the words are say are from God.  I know one of my Sprirtual gifts is encouragement.  This tends to come with people wanting to come to me to seek encouragement in dealing with difficult people.  I just need to be careful with the words that come out of my mouth.  I want to uplift and encourage.  I don't want to prejudge a situation or person I have never met when I am only hearing one side.  


So once I dealt with this sin.  the agitation left.  I am no longer on edge.  That is the thing with sin.   It will eat you alive.  It will make you agitated.  It will make you feel like you want to crawl out of your own skin.    Following Jesus makes it impossible to live peacefully with sin behavior left unchecked, even when you don't fully realize what the sin is that needs to be dealt with.   I love that I get to live in His grace daily.