unleash and surrender

That has pretty much just been my life theme.  I wish I could have just done it all at once but then again I would not be the person I am today if so.  God's timing.

I have gifts.  Gifts that have come from God.  Every believer has them.

^{1 Corinithians 12:4-11}

⁴ There are different kinds of gifts, but the same Spirit distributes them. ⁵ There are different kinds of service, but the same Lord. ⁶ There are different kinds of working, but in all of them and in everyone it is the same God at work.

⁷ Now to each one the manifestation of the Spirit is given for the common good. ⁸ To one there is given through the Spirit a message of wisdom, to another a message of knowledge by means of the same Spirit, ⁹ to another faith by the same Spirit, to another gifts of healing by that one Spirit, ¹⁰ to another miraculous powers, to another prophecy, to another distinguishing between spirits, to another speaking in different kinds of tongues,^[a] and to still another the interpretation of tongues.^[b] 11 All these are the work of one and the same Spirit, and he distributes them to each one, just as he determines.

 Not every believer lets go of the control to let them come to full fruition, like me, until last Tuesday.  I am currently attending this bible study on the Holy Spirit.    We have learned who He is and how he functions.  We have studied on things that are controversial and received clarification.  It was straight out of the bible and not somebody's expert opinion or from a book somebody wrote.  I am not here to talk about the controversial and sensitive things.  I am not here to argue semantics.  I am here to give my testimony and experience.

One gift I know I received for sure was a gift of intercession/faith.  I can be so compassionate for others needs even when I am not told by that person.  Normally I just pray to myself and don't let the other person know.  God puts things on my heart that I have ignored because what if I am wrong and I go to that person and tell them what I feel God has told me.  They will get mad or think I am crazy.  Then I am kicking myself for not stepping out in faith to pray with them. There are times when I am not exactly accurate but there are times when it is spot on and it used to just freak me out.  A couple examples:

A friend tells me her ex-husband is suffering from stage 4 colon cancer.  God puts it on my heart to pray for the reconciliation of their marriage and for changes in him to become the man that God has called him to be.  I was also told to make a prayer shawl in purple and to have it prayed over for complete healing.  His favorite color is purple, he is a different person, and they are working towards reconciliation. None of these things were told to me, by her, until weeks later.

A couple that I have not talked to in months was put on my heart that they were going to conceive.  The next day she puts up on her Facebook a picture of her pregnancy test.

I could never let go of the control that this is just beyond what I can comprehend.   That this can not be possible.  That mostly I am so not even worthy of praying for others and have prayers answered when I know me.  I know who I am without Christ.  I am not all that.  I do not deserve  the honor. ....

then I look at who he did use:

David a man called by God himself...."a man after my own heart" yet commits adultery, murders, and basically has a Jerry Springer family down the line

Peter.....who always put his foot in his mouth and even denied knowing the man that was God himself in human flesh

Paul.....who murdered christians and was still called by God to be one of the greatest apostles...EVER.

Jonah....who tried to run from doing God's will and then did not want to pray for repentance because he knew God would answer that prayer.  (I can relate)

So why on earth do I think God can't use me and in ways that just make me stand in awe of who He is.

See here is why.  I let my own addiction of co dependence squelch the Spirit from doing anything for 15 years.  Yes I am and have been saved but the Holy Spirit's power could not be unleashed fully until I let go of the control that I never had but thought I did to Him. Tuesday, I get confirmation from  dear friend who speaks right to me and tells me things about me and other things going on that I have not told one single person.   Yesterday at church we get challenged to be courageous and just openly pray and give testimony.  I did both.  then a man gets up there and looks at me and tells me not to fear and just let the Holy Spirit do what I have been gifted to do.  I have never talked to Him in my life.    Pretty much what my friend told me as well.  These two don't run in the same circle of friends.  shall I quote 'here's your sign"  

Another gift I received that I prayed for.  the ability to sing.  I did chorus and band.  I was a good flute player.  Singing however was not something I could do.  I could not be in tune.  I desired this gift desperately.  I prayed for years for it.  It was not until I went on the Walk to Emmaus retreat and while laying face down on the floor for God to just do things in me and change me.  To just have God be in complete control.  That I soon noticed that ability.  Then about a year later I was able to start singing harmony.    Again. I let fear and confidence in my ability stop me from pursuing using it, until God just continued pressing on my heart to do something about it.  So I stepped out and was on a worship team here at my previous church before the one I attend now.   Right now, it is not what I am supposed to do.  God has other plans for the moment where I am at.  He just keeps saying wait.  so I wait......and in the meantime just live out in faith.