Thursday, November 5, 2009

this week

I am copying the emails I sent out to give the full picture of what we have been dealing with the past week.  The hospital we were at did not have wireless internet nor did it allow me to access my blog on the computer available.  So here is insight to my life the past seven days:
MOnday evening
This has been not only a ver ytiring experience it has been the worst experience ever. She is so much pain. They are giving her morphine but it still hurts. I never imagined that I would have to see my child go through this. We had to go down to do a swallow test this afternoon, which did not go well and she will be going back down tomorrow. I have decided that I will not go with her in the hopes that me not being there, she will be more compliant.

She has been on oxygen but seems to be breathing better that she has not needed it for now. She also has decided to use me as her "mental punching bag" I am the closest to her and she has decided to take her anger out on me for the most part. (lots of yelling, dirty looks, and statements such as "I don't trust you") This has been one of the hardest things to deal with and also the fact that I can't help her feel better. There have been lots of tears and prayers. I did talk to her this afternoon to let her know that i know she is in pain and angry but it still does not give her the right to disrespect me and other adults and let her know she was being very hurtful in the things she says. She has apologized profusely and seems to be better.

Pray for strength for me. I am emotionally drained at the moment.
Abby is doing much much better. They have changed her pain meds from Morphine to an ibuprofen type every six hours. She actually slept almost all night, only woke up once to go to the bathroom. SHe sat up by herself and and almost got out of bed by herself. She is also much nicer not being on the morphine. I think the morphine made her personality change slightly. She was just plain nasty to be around on that. She hated everybody. AS I said in my previous email, she was very disrespectful to all adults. SHe said after her swallow tests "these doctors are stupid. they don't know anything." and looked at me and said "you are so mean. who are you? you are not my mother." (you must add some drama to the last one to get the full picture) The phrase "oh my God" was used a lot which is something we do not ever let our children say just to say it. (I just pretended like she was crying out to God at the point and telling her not to in her state would have been pointless and she probably does not remember saying it anyway) SHe also would look at herself in the mirror everytime she got up to go to the bathroom and say "I look hideous." because she did not want to wear a shirt because it irritated her stomach. THis was very heartbreaking and reassured her she was beautiful. She also said "I look like a potato chip" (which made me laugh because she still had the iodine stain on her belly from surgery so her tummy has an orange color)

Today DOug is here and will be a much better day. She has another swallow test today. THis should go much better due to the meds change and I have decided to not go down while she does, in the hopes that she will do much better without me there. (kind of like the same concept as to why I don't want to teach my children at church. They do much better when I am not teaching them there.) going to go get some coffee...I need it.
SHe is now eating!!! SHe is on a liquid diet...not just clear liquids, so she can have ice cream, chocolate milk, pudding, soups etc etc etc. the swallow test went well. Hopefully go home tomorrow but it may be Friday
we might get to leave today as long as she is able to eat without any pain. I am thinking we will because she has been doing great. they are taking her off her IV nutrition and she is still on liquids. SHe is also in a much better mood and we have been more on top of her being respectful. SHe has all her stuffed animals on a shelf and can earn them back a few at a time. She needs to say please , yes maam, no maam, and actually speak to the adults when they come in the room when they speak to her. She said "do you think you need to teach me manners..I did not forget them" which I said, "apparently you did, since you want to yell and whine and demand everything" (she has regressed toacting like a three year old) After the taking away of the stuffed animals she improved greatly...especially when I threatened that the panda would go to if she kept it up. (she has a stuffed panda that is with her always everywhere and traumatic if it gets lost) more updates will follow
We are now at my mother n law's and she is doing well.  BAck to her happy self.  SHe is very happy to eat without being attached to an IV pole.  SHe is walking around and able to get up and down from a sitting position without help.  She is just mildly uncomfortable.  The doctor has said she can have crab starting Monday and she is ecstatic since that is her favorite food on the planet.  THis has definitely been quite an experience.  SHe will never have a normal esophagus and needs the aid of gravity for everything to move to her stomach so she must eat or stand to eat and then be sitting or standing for about 15 min afterwards.   I will also continuie to not let her eat two hours before bedtime. 
God is still in control and has kept me from losing it and having a nervous breakdown through all of this.

Thursday, October 15, 2009

solving a problem through wisdom

so I have been praying for wisdom in more ways to be effective in disciplining and getting the girls to do their chores.  the bible says if we ask for wisdom, we will get it.  I also think that we need to be willing to become humble to actually listen, to know what the wisdom is.  It may be what we do not want to hear or what we are not willing to do because of pride.  So with that being said:

My kids will earn an allowance through chores.  I have listened to lots of feedback.  Some say it is not good to pay kids for things they should already be doing.  Here are my thoughts.  Chores are work.  When we go to work as adults,  we get a paycheck.  Based on our performance and more responsibility, we get a raise.  I believe it is a good way to teach children good work ethics.   AKA: that you do not get money just because or that you can just be lazy and expect the same as everybody else.

Each of my children are different ages so each one will have a different amount of allowance.   This being because the older they get, the more they can do, and should be rewarded for such.   With that being said, they will each have a chore chart based on a points system.

They get one point for each chore.   Each child has 7 chores.  (the chores range from brushing hair and teeth to doing laundry and washing dishes)  they get one point for each chore done completely, 1/2 a point for each chore done partly, no points if it does not get done at all or when I ask them to.  They will get two points if they do each chore without me having to ask or remind them.  they will get 7-14 points total per day. 
49 points gets them their full earned allowance
25-49 points gets them half their allowance
16-25 gets them 1/3 of their allowance
0-16 equals no allowance

if they earn 75-98 (10 -14 points per day) points they will get an extra special privelege as well
some things are 30 min later bedtime on the weekends, prize from the treasure box, be able to ride bike further up the street, or special outing with mommy or Daddy.  they can pick one special privelege a week.  They have to earn the full 98 points to do so.  (the 75-98 points is them doing most of their chores everyday without me having to ask)  Each special privelege will have a point value attached to it.  They will start fresh each week.  I will not be allowing carry overs or stashing points.  This will prevent the thought process  of "well I earned this much this week, so I only need to earn this much this week."

Now I need to get a treasure box and find some great thrift stores, Big lots, and clearance racks to fill it with.  This will also give me more freedom throughout the day to do things I have not been able to because I am doing all the cleaning.   This is my reward for years of raising youg children and molding them into what God wants them to be.  Parenting is hard.  It does get easier the older they get, but you get different challenges along the way.  I never believed it would get easier with three toddlers/babies.  But I can testify, it does. 

link for chore chart
link for chore chart

Monday, October 12, 2009

my thoughts

my journal entry from Fat Secret:

I grew up as one of those kids who never had to worry about gaining weight. I could eat whatever and whenever. Then I had some life issues happen in my twenties where I was searching for what would satisfy me. Little did I know that the answer was right there knocking at my door, I just refused to open it to Jesus. So I turned to drugs, alcohol, and boys. I also was smoking cigarettes at the time. Well, when I gave my life to Christ I gave up all those things but instead of focusing on Him to meet my needs I turned to food. I ate all the time. This caused me to gain about 3o pounds. Then when I got married, I had kids I gained the 30 pounds you need to gain while pregnant but never lost it with any of my three children. It was not until earlier this year when I went to some chrisitan counseling, due to things that were happening in my life, I discovered that while I was putting off the bad things, I was NOT putting on Christ. That is why I switched from one addicition to another. Food became one of those. Food addiction is, I believe, one of the hardest addicitions to get rid of. The reason you can't quit eating cold turkey. It is not like alcohol or drugs, where if you stop taking those altogether you will survive. One needs food to live. I have learned, through many hard lessons that Jesus is the only one that can bring me complete satisfaction, even in those times when things don't go the way I want to and I am disappointed. Food is not going to bring me the comfort He can. Sure it feels good when I am eating that bowl of ice cream or eating that chocolate but only while I am eating it. I feel horrid afterwards...bloated and lethargic. I am not saying that one should not eat those things just not everyday and everytime one goes to the store. also, when one wants to eat by themself so nobody else sees it, well that should be a big red flag to that person. (yes, i am speaking of myself) Also, another flag is throwing out the evidence before anybody else sees it. Yup, then you could say "there is a problem" So, with that being said. I will live for today. I will find so much satisfaction in Jesus that I will only eat because it gives me the fuel I need to be what God wants me to be. I will also enjoy the foods I do eat, because God does want us to enjoy ourselves and He made lots of yummy foods out there.

Tuesday, October 6, 2009

Facebook | Tory Kennedy: abby update

Abby is well. no real new changes. we finally got into the doctor at Nemour's. I love that place. It is about 2 hours from here in our home in Georgia. I thought that they had all the records from when we are at Arnold Palmer but noooo, that is not the case. I will be working on that today. After they get those, they will be able to schedule her surgery. It is going to be a few more weeks. One thing is scheduling. Two, is they want to look at all her workups and tests before cutting her open so they can see it first hand and not just go by what somebody is telling them. THree, her doctor wants to talk to the surgeons and see who has done is it laproscopically which would be ideal. He also wants to see who has had the best and and most experience with this surgery. All the surgeons here are new...been practicing 3-4 years. Did i mention achalasia is very rare, especially, in children. So needless to say we are making another round of surgeons as excited as a preteen at a Jonas Brothers concert. THis however does not excite me in the least. I am constantly reminding myself that God is in control and He has this. He knows the outcome. He has got my back and my kid's back and worrying about it is just me trying to be "god" and not trusting Him that he actually does love and care for Abby more than I ever could possibly do.

I really love her new doctor, Dr Evans. He assured me that he would make sure he would research all the ped surgeons and get us the most experienced one. So with that being said we will be seeing him in 4 weeks. The only thing that we are doing differently with her eating is she is not allowed to eat anything within 2 hours of bedtime. The reason. If she eats before bed then all her food just sits in her esophagus just moving up and down and this could cause lung problems. This is not only bad infection wise but would make the anestheiologist not very happy if she is not breathing properly come time for surgery.

Here is what I want prayer for.

Complete healing before surgery begins. I still serve a God that does miracles and am choosing to believe that He still will. However, it is His will, not mine. COmplete healing before may not be the answer to our prayer but I am choosing to believe and pray that boldly

for abby to have peace and trust in God that she is going to be ok. that she does not need to fear surgery. That God would use this time to bring her to a closer relationship with Him and see Him in ways she never otherwise would. That she would be comforted when she gets angry, stomps her feet, cries, because she cant eat all her favorite foods. Believe me I want to do all those too. I do, just mostly in my head.

For us, to continue to believe that God is in control. To seek Him in all decisions we make with this. To not trust human knowledge more than God knowledge. to accept whatever the plan is even if we think it sucks and is not what we want. To live completely and 100% by faith and trust in Him to meet our needs (I say needs not what I want or what I think a need is)

that the other two will be sympathetic to their sister and not be whiny when I allow Abby to have ice cream more than them. that they would not blame her for it being what they think is unfair. that they would just love her and comfort her through this.

Tuesday, September 29, 2009

unfailing love

I love my bible study.  I love Beth Moore.  I love that God has used her in mighty ways through her bible studies to show me areas where I need to grow and change.  This week we are studying about God's unfailing love.  God's unfailing love goes out to everybody that are willing to except it.  even the ones that I think don't deserve it.  Because I sure did not deserve it when I accepted it. He also disciplines those he loves and sometimes will allow us to get into depression and hard circumstances so the only thing we can do is seek Him.  He also disciplines each one of us differently.  This of course brings me to thinking about my own children.  All three are different.  completely different.   So different that I have had to pray for wisdom on how to discipline.  What works withone does not work with the other.  For example, Janessa is my computer queen.  Loves anything that has to do with electronics.  She loves the Wii, the computer, her DS.  Heck, she would play all three at the same time if she could.  For her, taking away electronics is pure torture and usually takes care of whatever the issue is.  This will not work with Abby.  Abby could care less if I take electronics away.  With her, it is her webkins and baby doll.  The final straw would be the panda bear that never leaves her side.  This usually makes her straighten up real quick when I start taking those away one at a time.  If I did this with Janessa she would be like big deal.  Hannah we are still figuring out but usually a harsher tone and spankings does the trick.  Spankings with Janessa and Abby are just not effective as much anymore.   This has been a definite learning process and wish I would have figured it out sooner.  It would have saved me a lot of aggravation along the way.  If I can encourage anybody, just know that God disciplines those he loves and if we love our children we will do the same.  we just need to learn what way works and seek GOd for the answers since he knows all of them anyway

Monday, September 28, 2009

the birthday girl

so I sit here and think to myself " I actually have a ten year old"  I am entering new territory...double digits and the area called 'tween'  not a teeneger, but not a little kid.  She is my Janessa Rose.  She came into this world by induction.  She was due on Sept 15th.  She was born on Sept 28th, 1999.  thirteen days late.   This also gives insight into her personality as well.  She takes her time on everything, and I mean everything.  She is very type A.  Her clothes are all organized by pants, shirts, long sleeved shirts and then dresses.  The hangers are all grouped by color.  If she feels it can not be done perfectly then she does not want to do it at all.  She also has this confidence I wish I had at her age.  She is confident in who she is as a person.  She is confident in her relationship with Jesus, which to me is the only thing that matters.  She gets that right, everything else will fall into place the way it is supposed to be.  She is very content with playing by herself and does not need the approval of others.  She is who she is and if you don't like her, that is your problem.  She is the one who will reach out to be friends with that one person that is being excluded.  She does not care what you think about what she is doing, even if it is weird and silly.  She loves babies, I mean loves babies..and they love her.  She is always a big help with the little ones wherever we go.  She is fun and so full of life.  She is her own person. 
    We do have our challenges.  She tends to go to "janessa land" a lot.  Her imagination will take over and she will get distracted easily with what she is thinking about.  This can be a challenge when it comes to schooling.  She is the one who has taught me that any expectations you have for your children need to be thrown out the window.  That you need to love them and guide them in the way they should go, not the way you think they should.  She may be only 10, but there is so much about her that I would love to model myself after.   I make sure that she knows everyday she is beautiful, that our love for her is not based on what she does or does not do, and the only one you need to make sure is pleased is the Lord.  She also has a flair for the drama.  Really, I do not know where she gets it from.  haha  everything tends to be exaggerated more than it should.   I recognize the real tears from the fake ones...which to those that don't know her makes me look insensitive but I know the real thing.  Another picture of, we may be able to fool everybody else, but you can't fool God.  I mastered this skill when I grew up, so I can spot it.
     I can not believe it has been ten years.  The  time does go by faster than you could ever imagine.  You forget things.  It is only when you look back at old pictures or videos that you remember.  In a way it makes me sad.  It is bittersweet.   I can't get those moments back and yet I get to enjoy these moments now and raise her the way God wants me too.  I am truly humbled that God picked me to be her Mommy.    I know it is only a matter of time before that "Mommy saying" starts turning into "Mom"  That I will not be the one she comes to her for all her needs.  That she will want to have her privacy more.  She will become more indepedent and realize that she does not need me.  (well unless it is food, money, or laundry  ;)  ) I just hope that she will always feel comfortable to come to me no matter what.  I will choose to love her no matter what.   I will choose to pray for her everyday.  I will choose to let her grow up and become the woman God will have her be

Janessa 9/28/2009 click for video

Wednesday, September 23, 2009

Night Light

I absolutely love Terri Blackstock!!   She is awesome.  I literally could neglect everything in my life and engross myself in her books.  I have a previous post  from the first book I read in this series.  Night Light is the second book out of four.  I will be buying the other two on Amazon in the next couple weeks.  There is lots of excitement and suspense that I just wanted to keep reading to find out what happens next.  This is what I love about good christian authors.  I don't have to worry about uneccessary bad language or explcit bedroom details.  These are books I can give to my teenager and not even question or second guess if what they are reading is ok.  Now moving on to a big fat book, Vanity fair, to try to finish my challenge.  It is no longer a link that can be connected to, but here is the link to my previous post so you can see the challenge.

Monday, September 21, 2009

The Shack

So this is going to be a two in one blog.  first, to update.  We are settling into our new home in Georgia and adjusting.  We love the neighborhood, love our neighbors, love our new church.  I absolutely love my hubby's work schedule!!!  Which is definitely well deserved especially during the times he will not be with us when he gets deployed or goes out for field training.  These are details I can not give on the internet do to security reasons.  More of my personal thoughts later...

On to my book rerview of  The Shack.  I loved this book.   There is some controversy as to God being portrayed as a woman, but it makes sense when you read it.  (No it is not some feminist agenda.)  What I got out of it is that God will show himself to you what you need him to be at the moment.  He is an awesome God and will do whatever it takes to draw His children to Him.  we, however have to be ready to listen.  Be ready to accept what He is saying to us.  Be ready to do what He is asking us to do.   He can only do so much.  He is not going to force Himself on us.  We are not robots.  We are created with a free will.  He did so because He wants us to desire Him and love Him in the way He loves us.  He desires a relationship not a dictatorship.  This of course makes me humble to know, that despite of who I am, He still wants to have that relatinoship with me.  He never gives up.  He always forgives, even for the same things over and over again.   I am so thankful I am not God.  If I come from a human perspective, I would have given up on me long ago and said forget it, you will never change.  However, He does not work like that.  He knows every thought, every action past, present, and future.  He knows how I will react in ever situation.  Yet, he has open arms.  He will take me in them every time and will forgive me every time.  The beauty of God's forgiveness He remembers the sins no more.  That brings me comfort and gives me the peace I need to know that I can always depend on Him when nothing else is guaranteed.

Monday, September 7, 2009


My two beautiful nieces.  Yup, they are bald. The one on the right has medulablastoma, a type of brain cancer and the left just got her head shaved for her sister.  They are truly two of the most happy little girls I have ever met.  I also want to be like them with the kind of attitude about how they look and how they see other people.   They don't care that they don't have hair.  They don't care how others may look at them.  They don't care what others look like.  They have no judgements about themselves or others.  I want to be just like that.
     I wonder when does this stop?  At what age do we start to really care what others think?  When do the opinions of other people really start to affect us? Seriously, why do we even care.  We all need to go back to being like little children and that is why I believe Jesus said in  Matt 18:2-4 I tell you the truth, unless you change and bcome like little children you will never enter the kingdom of heaven.  Therefore whoever humbles himself like this child, is greatest in the kingdom of heaven.  If you tell a child that God's word is true than they just believe it. There is only one's opinion we should care about....Jesus.  Jesus does not care what we look like on the outside, but what we look like on the inside.   I want to be just like that.

Saturday, September 5, 2009

just thoughts

so my thoughts today are about my awesome sis n law Barb.  She truly inspires me.  Despite having her daughter having brain cancer she still wants to outreach to others and show them Jesus.  Despite this trial, I believe that lots and lots of people are going to get saved because of it.  Read her blog (just click on her name above).  It will make you cry.  It made me.  I will be crying lots tonight.  Tonight is our last service at our church that we have been members of for 10 years now.  They have been there for us in more ways then we could imagine.  I never imagined worshipping anywhere else.  I can truly say that God has really looked out for us.  We were attending another church at the time when some things happened in our extended family that I am just not willing to share.  All in the I am not bringing up old hurts that have already been forgiven.  My husband got really sick in the hospital.  He had severe headaches and could not even move.  We could not figure out what caused it, nor could they.  You had to look like something out of a sci- fi movie to see him.  We thought it was meningitis, but tests came back negative.   However, they still treated it like it was meningitis and gloves and masks and coverings over you were worn.  So who comes to visit, Pastor Joe  from where my in laws were going. We were not even members and he comes to see how my husband is doing.  That is when we knew what church we were going to start going to and have gone ever since.  A lot of growth and changes in the past 10 years.  It has grown to  about 2000 and yet it still feels small and close.   We can be real and ourselves there.  We don't have to feel like we have to be one way there and then another way at home.  I also love that Pastor Joe always preaches the truth and is always very real and relevant.  He is not only preaching to us, He is allowing God to speak to him as well.  God has used the people of this church to minister, enccourage,pray, and provide for my family and I in ways I can not even begin to express.  I can not even begin to express how heartbreaking it is for me to have to leave.  I know that God has bigger plans but this is where I thought I would always be.  However, we are moving to a place where there is a wonderful chruch.  Savannah Christian Church.  It is very similar to TCC and I know that I will soon feel at home.  They made us feel so welcome we went last weekend and I still get the feeling that despite the enormous size it will feel small and close.   I even feel like I can be me.  Raise my hands in worship and not be uncomfortable doing so even if I am the only one.  They have service on Sat night which I prefer.  They preach the truth with boldness and yet in a loving way.  The most important thing, other than it is so obvious that Jesus is all up in that place, is that my kids had so much fun and want to go back.  I am truly blessed that we don't have to "church shop"...God's blessings truly amaze me.

Friday, September 4, 2009

book review- DR Jekyll and Mr Hyde

I have always wanted to read this.  short, fun, and of so full of hidden meanings.  I believe all of us have two people living inside us.  There is that one that people see, know, and love.  The one that shows your character of who you are.  The one that your best friend knows so much about.  The one that people see when you are out and about doing your daily thing.  But then, there is the one that nobody knows.  The one that is hidden in your deep thoughts.  Things that nobody, not even the people closest to you, not even your best friend knows.  The one that thinks those things that you would never want anybody to know you think.  The one that does the things that you do when you are all alone, good, bad, or indifferent.  However, there is always a spiritual lesson in all of this.  YOU CANT HIDE FROM GOD!!!  God sees and knows all of the things that we do and think.  Even the things about yourself that you think nobody knows about.  God knows, he is there watching.  He gave most of us a conscience so we would not turn into "Mr. Hyde" and act on those impulses. 
     I can also relate this to the spiritual battle that goes on between the flesh and the spirit.  There are times when I actually cant stand the war that goes on inside me between the flesh and the Holy Spirit.  the Spirit is willing but the flesh is weak...yeha only weak to doing what God wants it to.  Thank goodness though the Spirit, as long as you feed it on God's word will be strong enough to have that peace and joy that can only come through Jesus Christ..

Thursday, September 3, 2009


so I do not blog enough and I need to more. I have so many thoughts that go through my head all the time. I love to journal but just don't do it. I love to share what I am feeling through blogging because it is a release for me to share write what I am feeling.
well life has been crazy. I am still reading lots. I need to. It is my escape to somewhere and it does not cost a penny. Trust me, I need to escape sometimes. I plan to be more committed in my blogging and hope to bring hope and encouragement to others through some of my posts. Some you may not like because I do not think along the mainstream. I am OK with that. I am just me. What you see is what you get. I am a pretty open book and you don't get many surprises on where I stand or who I am. so with that being said, some updates for you.
Last year as many of you know, is my self proclaimed title "the year of crap" To sum it up for you marriage separation, reconcile, pregnant unplanned, miscarriage when I was starting to be excited about having another one, near divorce, reconciliation of marriage for real because of Christ, and last but not least hubby losing his job. yup it sucked. However, just when I did not think that anything could top it. Here comes 2009. But this time my attitude is way different. I have allowed Christ to be my Lord. Sure he was and is my savior. He absolutely changed lots in me and brought me out of things that should have made me end up dead somewhere, but I still had the attitude of "I am in control" I needed to go through the things I went through all last year so God could get me to the place I am today. I would not change a thing. I could not be in the place of complete trust in Him that I have today without the things that happened.
So, 2009 starts off pretty good. My husband joins the army. Something I completely support and I am so proud of My soldier. But it does come with things that are not hard. So in April he leaves for basic training and school Gone for four months. This is the most we have been separated for 10 years. This was a big adjustment for me and the kids. God gave me the strength and endurance I needed not only for me but our girls. There was only one day that was really bad and I lost control emotionally. We got through it. Around the same time Doug leaving for basic training, Our daughter Abby started throwing up. We associated it with her nerves since she is definitely Daddy's girl and does not handle major life changes well. It would come and go but it definitely progressed as the months went on. Well then last month we find out my adorable 3 year old niece Jael is diagnosed with brain cancer. WHAT? I thought.. she is only supposed to have strep throat. Not her. This happens to other people. This cant be right. Why? So much other things happening this can not be happening now. But then I realized God has a plan. She is so strong. She is so brave. She has not even gotten physically sick with the chemo. Other things are happening that still make me want to scream and stomp my feet and say this is not fair. Heal her God. Heal her now. You can. why does she have to go through all this for the next seven months? then I am reminded like Job, I am not God. He does not think the way I do. I still need to trust Him. So I do. So with this happening, created a sense of urgency that I really need to get Abby to the doctor. This throwing up thing, which now is with every meal and every drink, could be something more. I did have the fear...maybe its cancer. SO we take her to the doctor and after seeing a gastroenterologist, getting a barium scan to see how she is swallowing, then getting an endoscopy, being admitted to the hospital, then getting admitted to Arnold Palmer in Orlando for further testing, getting a manotomy(tube into the nose to the stomach then pull out cm by cm to check the peristalis all while awake), she was diagnosed with Achalasia. Yup, that's what I said acha who? Well, its not her nerves, Its food getting stuck in her esophagus because the muscles wont relax. click on it for details. So she will be getting a Heller Myotomy done to correct it. There is no cure and it could always be something she may have complications. While I was relieved slightly, I still was like what? oh cmon...don't we have enough going on with Jael and moving to GA. oh yeah..I forgot to mention that. we are moving out of state, the place I have lived for 26 years. The same town. My parents still live in the same house. I know how to get around race week like it is not race week. I have my whole entire life there. I will now be officially calling a place that I do not know anybody home. Yet God is still faithful and awesome. He still has a plan. I still serve Him. I still trust him completely in all of this. He has showed me through this that he is blessing me. We have great neighbors that I know we will be good friends with. we have found a new church that we compare a lot to the one we have been going to for nine years. He has given us the opportunity for us to be able to share Christ with our neighbors. He has a purpose and maybe his purpose is for us to lead them to Christ. Imagine what an opportunity for us. and yet I think I cant believe He would choose us for that.
People are watching us and we are told that we have been an encouragement to others. I am truly blessed because they are the ones encouraging me. To keep going, to keep fighting, to not lose faith. Think about, what if God is saying to Satan "have you considered my servant...." to our family? Knowing how we will stand no matter what comes our way. I am humbled if that is so. I also know that if i need to go through the trials to keep me in his word and dependence on Him then so be it. Not that I am inviting the trials to come, but will consider it joy if it keeps me growing in this walk with Christ

by the way Achalasia is very rare like 10 in 100,000 people and mostly middle aged. Even rarer in children. Only rare in other ours things like this are just normal ;)

Friday, July 10, 2009

3 reviews

so, i have been a major slacker in the blogging world and would really like to prioritize and be committed to doing so daily. I have read three books that I need to blog on, along with what has been going on in my life. I will for now just blog on the books I have read.

the first: Even Now by Karen Kingsbury This was purely just for fun. Karen Kingsbury is great for good christian romance when you are in the mood for romance, but don't want the Harlequin crappiness. This book was plain just feel good fun. It also had good lessons on forgiveness and how we should let God be in control and not try to get in the way of His plans. She never lets me down with any of her writings. I am a romantic deep down. This book was not sappy, fake nonsense. You could actually see something like this happening in real life. Her characters are aways relateable and you fell like you are living their life right their with them. I guess that is why I like her books so much.

the second: The Great Divorce by C.S. Lewis This was an easy fast read. However, it is not for light hearted reading. It will make you think. It will make you think about your loved ones around you who are so consumed with their life here or those that think that they are better than the person next to them. When it comes to us as people one is not better than another in God's eyes. He loves us all equally the same and he hates sin equally the same. One sin is not worse than another. Sin is sin no matter how you or look at it. God does not work at this earthly level but a whole other plane. His though ts are not our thoughts and His was are higher than our ways. He, praise God, is all about grace. Realizing who we are without Jesus is what makes us acceptable. This may not sit well with some of you reading this, however, I did not say it God did. I really like books that get my mind thinking and anything by C.S. Lewis will do that.

the third: Little Altars Everywhere by Rebecca Wells This was also just purely "I just felt like reading it" I love anything about the deep South. However, it makes me grateful for the family I have and was raised in. I really love southern traditions, the pride the people have, the laid back life style, the food ( oh do I love the food) the accents, and the weather. However, this book just hows that life anywhere is not perfect and that problems exist everywhere.

more to blog later...maybe even tonight.

Sunday, May 31, 2009

Angels and Demons

I know, I know it has been SO long since I have posted but it has been that long to finish the book. Not the norm for me....but then again my life is far from normal these days....that's a post for another time. With that being said...I am committed to posting more regularly even if it is not about a book.

This book was good yet very, very, very controversial. I wanted to read it just to see what the controversy was all about it. First, let me just say. I REALIZE THIS BOOK IS FICTION. There is, what I believe, a lot in here that makes the Catholic Church look bad. I was raised Catholic and today, there are a few things doctrinally that I don't agree with. That is why I go to a different church. However, I don't like to see any church being portrayed in a negative way that would make people question whether they should follow Jesus or not. I still was very saddened over how the Vatican is portrayed in this. Before you even get started reading there is a whole page dedicated to the factual references in the book of what is actually real. Being the realist that I am, I took it with a grain of salt and said to myself "yeah yeah...I will look into that on my own later" However, not everybody has common sense like myself and will believe everything they read, even if it is fiction, just because there is a disclaimer on some facts about what is in the book. I am not sure if the author, Dan Brown, has something against the Catholic church and Christianity in general, but it just seems that way from the this book and his other one "The Davinci Code"which I did not read, but saw the movie. While very suspenseful just pissed me off. These days I don't feel like being that angry so I refuse to read the book. There are also some parts about the creation of something completely new....that would reference that God is just some feeble being that sits in the background...Which if you read the Bible (author GOD) then you will soon find that is not true in any shape or form. There are parts where the author makes it sound good and possible and then refers back to it being God is in control and that Science and Christianity can co exist together and skip through the flowers, hug trees, and play the tambourine (OK that is my sarcasm and humor coming through) DUH, God created science..therefore of course they can coexist together and not be separate.

Anyway, if you can get past all of that. There is a lot of suspense and makes your mind wonder who is the master mind behind all the crimes. To me, it was somewhat predictable in parts and others I did not see coming. (which I really like because when it comes to suspense I don't like my expectations of how it is going to end, end up being the way that it does end.)

I do not recommend this book if you have a bad taste for Christianity or the Catholic Church. Or, if you are new to the faith because Satan could play with your head and make you question if what God says is actually true. It really also depends on your personality. I will admit there were fleeting moments of "hmm, well maybe.." I quickly just reminded myself of His Word, and His Truth...which is the only truth that matters. Others, may not be so quick to do so and that makes me sad that Dan Brown's books might actually keep people from seeing Jesus as who He really is.

Wednesday, April 15, 2009

Last Light

Last light by Terri Blackstock
This was a great suspenseful read. One of those books that I did not want to put down because I could not wait to find out what would happen I have to get the sequel, Night Light. I will probably also read every book she has ever written. She just writes good, Christan suspense. Yes , there are good christian authors out there...always making sure that the truth of needing Jesus is written into the novel. I think I finished this book in 4 days..all 377 pages. The reason I read this was it is part of the book club I am in and it was the read for the month. I am part of a girlfriend's group who meets once a month to discuss the book we are assigned to read and over dinner and delve into a new on...two of my favorite things: good food and books. However, the meetings keep taking place on the day I have a regional meeting for my job. One of these days they will not conflict and I will get to go. All I can tell you about the book is that it starts out with a major city losing all forms of electricity....from the basic electricity to cars working...even your battery operated watch doesn't work. The suspense builds from there. Good Stuff...I recommend it to one and all....even the kids...well, teenagers, younger kids might get freaked out over the murders that happen. The book really takes you in and it can make you feel like you are right there while it is all happening. I will now be moving on to the chunkster #2. Angels and Demons by Dan Browne. I will be going through lots of books since the hubby leaves for the army Monday and will want to keep the mind occupied so I don't dwell on the loneliness of him not being here with us for 15 weeks.

Wednesday, April 8, 2009

Grapes of Wrath

The Grapes of Wrath

I know it has been such a long time since I have posted. My life has been crazy with the major changes going on...which is a whole other post itself...but ,I digress. This book was one of the saddest, most tragic stories I have read. No happy endings, no feel good message. There is one positive thing...perseverance. The will to go on no matter the circumstance. The will to live, despite it looking like everything around is lost. This story takes place back in 1939, where our country is just coming out of a decade from the great depression. People everywhere are searching for that American dream and believe in it. It shows the grass is not always greener. I also began to think of our country today and the economic times we are in. We still have it really good despite the job losses (my hubby being one of them)home foreclosures, and the inflation rates and wondering when it will end. It is not as bad as it was back then. Please, do not think that I am not saying it is all happy music and skipping through the flowers...I just don't see government camps set up and people working for pennies just to get a loaf of bread, living in tents and their cars by the thousands. I choose to believe that Jesus , is still in control despite it looking hopeless. I have come to a place where I am happy with the little that we have. Less is better...and I think that more people are going to come to realize that the most important and cherished things in life are not the newest things but family and spending time together. Realizing that, money is not what will make us happy. I am very grateful for the lessons that this recession has done for my husband and I. We are closer than we ever have been...and have come to learn that total dependence and trust in Jesus is what we need. We have been amazed at what He has blessed us with. It has all been done in ways that we thought were impossible..which has shown us Nothing is Impossible when it comes to the Creator of the Universe.

Friday, February 6, 2009

The Screwtape Latters

The Screwtape Letters synopsis

I am now adding C.S. Lewis to my top list of favorite authors. I absolutely loved this book. It is a great inside look, even though it is fiction, into that other realm that we seldom want to think about. You can see how it is Satan's duty and mission to destroy every body's belief in who God and the truth of his existence. It actually clarified to me why 1/3 of the angels decided to fall along with Satan. I always thought to myself. "Why would they choose to leave wonderful paradise, living with our almighty creator, to go with the father of lies?" It is because Satan is so good at deception. He actually convinced them that God was not who he said he was and did not love them. This is not surprising because we fall into this ourselves. Satan has mixed so many lies with a little bit of truth. Whether it is evolution, or all ways lead to heaven because we all worship the same God, or that God does not even exist he is doing is best to destroy as many people's eternity as he can. He knows his end and that is where I rejoice!!! He will be thrown down there forever....and I will sit in the heavens worshipping and rejoicing my king!!! I also never thought of Satan and his little minions as calling God the enemy which is what we call Satan. It really made me think. We are in a battle, we do not battle against flesh and blood but against a spiritual realm. We need to be prepared and be ready. You never know...We could be having a personal vendetta, schemes planned, divisive ways to try to get us off our focus of our relationship with Jesus, just like Screwtape was leading his little cohort Wormwood in this story....Be Armed!!!
Now on to the The BIg Fat Reading will be quite a little bit before I post more reviews since most of the books I am reading are 500 pages or more....I may read some other books along with the big huge fat I don't have to collect dust and clean spider webs off the blog.

Thursday, January 29, 2009

The Great Gatsby

The Great Gatsby

This was a pretty good book. It makes you think of what kind of legacy you want to leave behind. It also shows that what you may think of a person, is not actually who they are. I would like to think that when I die, that I will be known for my love of Jesus, being a great mom, and the encouragement I was to those around me. In no way, do I want my "social status" to define me. My goal in life these days is to live for the Lord and please him. Take responsibility for myself and do what God wants me to. All the people in this book are selfish and only think about themselves. They think about what they can get at the moment to be happy. It is all proven in the end that none of it brought them true happiness. There were devastating consequences to their actions. I have mixed emotions on whether this should be read in high school. On one hand it teaches a great lesson as I mentioned above and on the other hand there is a lot of adult subject matter that I am not sure I want my high schooler reading about. This could be because many children are not that age and it is hard for me to picture them at that age. There are already things going on with my oldest that make me a little sad she is growing up. Of course, she is excited but I am so not ready for her to grow up. That is a whole other blog in itself.

I have one more book to read before I start the the big reading challenge. I also got from my sister, some books that tend to be very controversial within my "circle of existence". The Harry Potter books. Oh yes, I plan to read them. I used to be very against them and then decided I am forming an opinion on something I really don't know what I am talking about. So, I will read them and then form my opinion as to whether my children will read them. Besides, they are not ready to read them anytime soon...Some of those books are 800 pages. I will not ask if they want to read them. When it comes to that, they can ask me. I also have The Series of Unfortunate Events. I saw the movie and was very leery but I will form my opinion when I read the books.

Thursday, January 22, 2009


Skin Synopsis
This is just a great book for fun reading. Just some plain good brain candy, which one needs every once in awhile. I love Ted Dekker. If you want good suspense novels, than He is a good author to read. I can't really go into details more than the synopsis because it will give the story away. It always kept me on the edge wondering what would happen next, Who "Red" is, and Why each next thing is happening. I was a little disappointed how it ended. When you read it, you may agree or disagree. There is a lot of imagery on sin and how evil and dirty it is. It also gives a good depiction of who we are without Christ. Once again, I can't go into details because it will give to much away. It also is not good for before bedtime reading, due to it may scare the crap out of you and give you bad dreams.

I am also excited Janessa has found a book she loves to read. She needs to read it all the time and will actually forgo T.V. to read it. (Yes, I am jumping up and down in excitement. I want my children to love to read as much as me!!!!) It is 'Where the Sidewalk Ends" by Shel Silverstein.

I will start my big reading challenge, see below, come Feb 1st. So, for now I will still be doing some other readings until then. Will post updates on us soon. ;)

Thursday, January 15, 2009


1984 synopsis I love this book. I read it high school, but apparently I don't remember all the details. Then again, I was a teenager and did not really care about important things like government control. It is very thought provoking and actually could happen. Heck, we already have the newspapers and news stations give their view on it and not the 100% truth. You have to actually research every story you hear to know what the whole truth is. There are even countries that tell their people they are winning wars, when that simply is not true. We need not be naive and realize that things are going to go only get worse with "Big Brother" unless we all stand up and use our right to vote to get these people that are for big government , out. I am not happy about these bailouts that have happened. I am not happy that I have to have a social security # to be able to work and have insurance, I do not like laws that are made just to give another excuse for the government to have their hands and be in control of something else. The latest thing is wanting a ban on cell phones while driving. Not just a law, but actually making it impossible to be able to talk while driving. Do I think that I should be talking on the phone while driving, no. However, I don't want the government telling me when and where I can talk on the phone. There are already laws that are in place if I cause an accident due to my stupidity of not paying attention while driving. We have too many laws as it is, we do not need more. I even think of laws when it comes to hate crimes. We do not need laws on hate crimes. We already have laws that make it illegal to kill somebody or assaulting a person, we don't need to add to it. And don't get me started on the tax laws...Even the people that made those laws don't understand them all. Heck there is probably a law that says it is illegal to blog on a Thursday afternoon at 3:45 while wearing a blue t shirt and eating a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. (I am not eating one ,so I think I am OK)I am so thankful that I live in a country where I have the freedom to be able to think for myself, say what I want, be able to open my bible and pray where I want..However, there are becoming more and more restrictions on things. Especially on us as Christians. There are less and less freedoms for us. The 10 commandments are taken out schools and public buildings. Kids are not allowed to pray at graduations. It is ridiculous. All in the name of religious tolerance....Why does religious tolerance apply to everybody but born again Christians. That is a big oxymoron...Everybody must be tolerant of everybody Else's religion...except Christianity. Can somebody please explain how that makes sense?

I will very soon be moving in to my new challenge...but I have a couple reads to read first. They are quick reads so I should get through them by the end of January. YAY Books!!!

Thursday, January 8, 2009

The chunkster challenge
So I am a sucker for a challenge...blame it on my type A, very competitive personality. I do not back down from a challenge when one is offered and if one challenges me in a competition than I set out to win and usually do. So of course, I needed to pick the most challenging one.

Mor-book-ly obese: I am commited to six or more chunksters. The great thing is, is that it can tie over to my original challenge.

Angels and Demons by Dan Browne

Vanity Fair William Makepeace Thackeray
Sophie's Choice by William Styre
The Grapes of Wrath by John Steinbeck
An American Tragedy by Theodore Dreisel
Catch 22 by Joseph Heller
I can't wait to get started!!! YAY!! care to join me?

Saturday, January 3, 2009

The Cricket on the Hearth

The Cricket on The Hearth Click for a synopsis. Now that I have read three stories from Charles Dickens I have decided he is one of my favorite authors. I will probably read every book ever written by him. This was just a fun read. All three of these books pretty much have the same theme where one of the characters completely changes for the good in the end. There is one thing in the synopsis that I disagree with. It says that the book suggests that Bertha regains her sight at the end. In my opinion, I don't think it was literal. I believe it was more spiritual and mental. It is like all of us before we know Christ. We are blind to our need for him and then when it is revealed to us our eyes are opened. That is pretty much my deep thought for today.

Now for updates on the life changes:

Doug is within his range of weight so he talks to the recruiter on Monday as to the options and such. WE are packing and getting ready to move into the in laws. The house is up for sale. Just trusting and having the faith to believe that we will sell it for what we are asking so we will get a little money back from the sale and not owe the mortgage company anything. This is complete faith that nothing is impossible with God, despite the market and economy. I believe there is somebody out there that will buy this house for $133,000.

Doug has also been sick with what I believe is bronchitis and I have pretty much quarantined my self from him the past week. He is a lot better. He has also quit smoking and is back to his happy self after three days of crankiness. Of course, Hannah might be getting it now...I am praying it is just a cold. I also am allergic to dust and of course moving just makes me miserable due to that. The only thing that cures it is Benadryl and that makes me pretty unfunctionable. It is never dull in "The Kennedy household" We really should charge admission.