This week starts the new adventure for my children. WEe have switched from home school to sending them to public school. A few have asked why. I am sure many more wonder but don't know how to ask. There are many reasons for doing so. Here is our story as to why...
My life for many years has been chaos and me trying to control the chaos. This scenario makes it impossible to home school effectively. Most reading this know what I have been healed from.. go here to find out what. I have had to rescue my children from everything. every hurt, every obstacle, and every discomfort. I took on every single thing as if it were me going through it. My children have learned behaviors in how to deal with life and not in a good way. This is being remedied.
I have not always home schooled. I sent my two older ones to a private school on a voucher for a few years. They went to a half year of public school. Janessa was in third grade and Abby was in second when I pulled them out. I pulled Janessa out over Christmas break because she was having major listening and paying attention issues. She was defiant. I could not admit this then. I said "Not my child. My child is not and that teacher is crazy. This is an injustice and I will now home school her. " We then pulled Abby out a couple months later over spring break due to me having to drive her 20 min there and back because I did not want her going to a school in my neighborhood that I was convinced was just atrocious. ( I don't even know if this is true) So we made the adventure and I was very set on doing it a certain way and achieving absolute perfection. The pressure on them was just ridiculous. There was no room for creativity and being open to learning different ways. We also never really went anywhere or did many activities that I am sure they would love to be involved with due to my own mental state. I made everything look all together and controlled and to all looking seemed like it was all going perfectly. Meanwhile, it was chaos. There was lots of yelling and lots of expectations. Lots of just doing paperwork only and that is how we do school...PERIOD. For three and a half years this is what we did. Me expecting perfection, and due to this holding them back from excelling greatly. So they are behind their peers when it comes to math a couple years. So after my eyes have been opened to how I have been, I came to the realization that me continuing to home school them is just not fair to them. I have not challenged them enough. I have not let them fail to be able to learn form their mistakes. I have kept them from doing fun projects and experiments because " I am not that mom" I have kept them from interacting with other children as much has possible unless it was controlled by me because I feared them turning into an after school tv special. I had to swallow my pride and realize I have done so much wrong to them. I have dealt with so much guilt in my mistakes of what I have done to them. It is a process of me learning to let it go in my healing. I know that they will grow past this and become who God intends them to be and not repeat "the crazy" This is just me sharing my heart.
I held on to the control of doing this because I convinced my self of many lies.
1. my children just can't handle it out there. It is scary. they can't handle what is out there. I must protect them from it. (I have not given my children enough credit in their abilities and strengths)
2. what on earth will my home school mom friends think when I decide to switch? I can't let them think I am incapable of this (this is so not even remotely true)
3. what will the non home school moms think after I have been so against public school for this many years and how home school is soooooo much better for every child that I am now sending them to school? ( I apologize for that attitude to any of you reading this on the receiving end of that one.)
these three lies just made me stuck. It was not until I started healing my mind that I could let go of them and realize these three truths
1. My children are strong and capable of handling whatever comes their way and with the guidance of Doug and I can guide them into being everything God intends them to be
2. It does not matter what anybody thinks. I am doing what is best and what will work for our family.
3. Home schooling is wonderful when it is done in a well balanced household with healthy minded parents. I truly am in awe and amazed when I see a great effective home school family. It truly is a wonderful blessing that can be fun and amazing. Public school is not evil and there are issues but we can work through them. I will be an involved parent and be my child's advocate.
so we start the new adventure. We look forward to many more. Many more God filled and God glorifying experiences. Things that people will look at and say "only God". Because there is no other explanation of how we are where we are.