reflection

So Day 2 of The Respect Dare asked to look back on your childhood to see where that could shape your idea of marriage today.  A lot of what I write about this study will be vague that deals with me personally..  Some details are private and need not be shared for the world to see.  However, thankfully, Doug and I have parents that are both still married getting close to fifty years.  I believe this helps, not in every situation.  There are divorces and  separations from our siblings but I believe it did help to lay a foundation of commitment.  I think we take what is good and incorporate it and then take out what we would want to do differently.  As long as each person is committed to changing the things that need to be changed then a marriage can stay together until death do us part.

new day, new mercies, new challenges

First off it is cold out.  I just have to say it.  I am in GA and I am freezing my tooshie.  we may not have snow but 30 degrees is cold people.  I am supposed to run in this nonsense.  I will when it warms up to 4o something while the baby naps and kids do the schoolwork they don't need help with.  I will be making the hand -warmers this week.

Back on track with eating the way I feel God wants me too.  I am back to no dairy (as much as possible until grocery shopping.  this may be unavoidable in some instances with dinner.  I just did not buy the ingredients I normally would cook with to make it happen so dinner will be dairy free.  But my omelet has no cheese and my coffee has coconut milk so we are starting off good.  (My omelet has my homemade salsa in it so it makes me happy)

I want to bog daily and want to have meaning behind it.  I don't want to get to the point where I am being redundant and letting you know my daily routine.  unless you want to know when I go to the bathroom, i can email you.  So I plan to blog about my book I am reading.  It was given to me and where Doug and I are at in our marriage, I can easily do it.  the Respect Dare  I don't believe this book is for everybody.  I don't agree that it is for every wife in every situation of marriage.  But I don;t have to fully agree with an author of a book to read it or be challenged by it.  I had a realization when we went down to Fl about myself.  "Old Tory" likes to reappear.  I left her there when we moved here.   'Old Tory"  like to belittle and talk to her husband like he is a child.  she likes to criticize him in front of everybody.   Old Tory likes to take on personality traits that are not hers because others around her do this  (if you are reading this you are most likely not the one that I am talking about)  This in turn brings back old Doug and old habits die hard and it becomes an ugly vicious cycle that neither one of want to be like.  So I do the respect Dare.  It is for 40 days.  It goes along with the Love Dare.  I may do that one day but loving my husband is easy.  Respecting him at times can be difficult because I like to think my ways are always the right ways.  well they are not and if they were I should have just married myself.  Please don't think that this means I become a doormat and become a geisha girl or get treated like the wife of a neanderthal.  Those are lies straight from the devil and we as wives have come to believe them. (Generally speaking)   A lot of wives today think respecting everybody but their husband is OK.    I want my husband to feel like he is respected by his wife.  To not feel like his wife is his parent or makes him feel like he is not capable of making decisions or that he less than a man. To no joke sarcastically or make fun of him in front of others.   I see this a lot.  It destroys their spirit.  ( they may not show that it bothers them or say anything but eventually it will come out)  I don't want to do that.  My husband and I can joke around with each other but we know, for the most part, what to joke about.   so Day 1 was to write expectations about myself and my husband that would indicate our marriage is progressing.  Not sharing at this time and may never.  Some things with this book are private and wont be aired for the world to see.  But those that know us will see the evidence.  we have a good marriage but I believe every marriage can be made better. I believe that is where the phrase "marriage takes work." comes in.  It is constantly working on daily being better than where you were the day before.

I don't believe in resolutions

First lets look at the definition.  NO wonder that the statistics show that  40% are given up by the end of January and 75% are given up by February 15th.    That definition depressed me   |I prefer to look at it like setting goals.  Everybody should have goals.  the goals should be met with the right motivation.  One of my goals is to lose weight.  The right motivation is because it will make me healthier and feel better about myself.  When I feel better about myself  I have a better attitude and this makes my household a happier place for the people that live here.  God wants me to be healthy.  He wants all of us to be happy.  This way it makes it achievable.  If I do it so I can look like a supermodel and be able to shop for skinny jeans and clothes that at my age one should never wear then I will fail.   I have many goals I will accomplish this year. 

1  Read my bible daily.  I will read through the bible in one year.  I will be following a reading plan.  this will bring me closer to God which is my number one desire.

2.  Forgive like God forgives.  I still have a tendency to hold on to wrongs done to me and want to ponder on them  and stay mad/  I do not want to be like this.  I once heard the definition of forgiveness does not mean you forget.  what it means is you let it go and you never talk about it again.  Once you can do that you know you have truly forgiven.

3.  Read at least one book a month.  For me this is realistic.  I would love to read more than that but with the many goals I have it is not possible.  One book I will do will  be The Respect Dare .  It will make me a better wife.  I only recommend this book if your marriage is in a good season and you are looking to make it better. I think we can always try to be a better spouse no matter how good your marriage is. It is not a book for marriages that are abusive, emotionally or physically.   so  I don't recommend it if you are in that situation.  I don't agree with her on all her insights on her blog but the book has good principles.

4.  Run 3 miles in less than 30 min.  Over the next two weeks I will be running every other day.  this week will be for 24 min.  Next week will be 30 min.  After that I will be following a training plan to build my speed.

5.  Concentrate on how and what goes into my mouth.  There will be 30 day challenges in this area again.  the how is actually eating. there are days I skip breakfast and don't drink enough water.  there are days I don't eat enough fruits and veggies.  I want to remedy this.

6.  Finish school by July 1.  This is not optional.  I have a scholarship and if it is not done I will have to pay back the 4000.00 that I received to get my degree.

7.  write lists daily of what needs to get done and follow a time schedule.  I do better with this.  If I don't I lose time and wonder why I cant get things done.  Type A personality will be very evident with this and will make the husband and the three younger children bang their heads into walls.

8.  wake up early and go to bed early.  I like to stay up late.  It is because it is the only time I get to just be "me".  However, it is not working.  I am tired and need more sleep.  I will have to schedule time to be "me" in the week.  I want to wake up at 6:00, so I can be "me" before anybody else in the house is up.  It may even be 5:30 because I want to run in the morning.   I need to be in bed by 10:00 to ensure I get plenty of sleep to be the person I want to be in the beginning of this post.

9.  Finish teaching myself to knit and knit me something.  I am undecided yet as to what but I want to say this is something accomplished.

10.  Crochet the girls the hats they have been begging me for and crochet Charlotte's Christmas stocking.  the girls may all get new Christmas stockings.  I think if they get one designed the way they want they will cherish it all the more. 

11.  develop closer relationships with women who are Christ followers.  This means I need to step out and actually do something about it.  I am actually an introvert.  Yes, hard to believe because once you know me I seem to extroverted, but I prefer to be by myself in my four walls.  I hate meeting new people.  I hate trying to start conversations.  If I do a get together with a new person I usually have to have somebody else I know really well over.  This means I need to stop being a hermit.  

12.  Become more Christ like.  This will mean changing things about me that I don't really want to.  I want to be kinder.  I want my husband to feel respected and not like I am his mom.  I hate the way I speak to him some days.  I want my kids to not have a mom that yells because my type a personality has unrealistic expectations of how my children should be.  There are more effective ways to discipline than how I have been doing it.  

Pretty good goals that will make me more Christ like than I was last year which is my goal every year.  I want to be better every year until God calls me home.