Monday, September 28, 2009

the birthday girl

so I sit here and think to myself " I actually have a ten year old"  I am entering new territory...double digits and the area called 'tween'  not a teeneger, but not a little kid.  She is my Janessa Rose.  She came into this world by induction.  She was due on Sept 15th.  She was born on Sept 28th, 1999.  thirteen days late.   This also gives insight into her personality as well.  She takes her time on everything, and I mean everything.  She is very type A.  Her clothes are all organized by pants, shirts, long sleeved shirts and then dresses.  The hangers are all grouped by color.  If she feels it can not be done perfectly then she does not want to do it at all.  She also has this confidence I wish I had at her age.  She is confident in who she is as a person.  She is confident in her relationship with Jesus, which to me is the only thing that matters.  She gets that right, everything else will fall into place the way it is supposed to be.  She is very content with playing by herself and does not need the approval of others.  She is who she is and if you don't like her, that is your problem.  She is the one who will reach out to be friends with that one person that is being excluded.  She does not care what you think about what she is doing, even if it is weird and silly.  She loves babies, I mean loves babies..and they love her.  She is always a big help with the little ones wherever we go.  She is fun and so full of life.  She is her own person. 
    We do have our challenges.  She tends to go to "janessa land" a lot.  Her imagination will take over and she will get distracted easily with what she is thinking about.  This can be a challenge when it comes to schooling.  She is the one who has taught me that any expectations you have for your children need to be thrown out the window.  That you need to love them and guide them in the way they should go, not the way you think they should.  She may be only 10, but there is so much about her that I would love to model myself after.   I make sure that she knows everyday she is beautiful, that our love for her is not based on what she does or does not do, and the only one you need to make sure is pleased is the Lord.  She also has a flair for the drama.  Really, I do not know where she gets it from.  haha  everything tends to be exaggerated more than it should.   I recognize the real tears from the fake ones...which to those that don't know her makes me look insensitive but I know the real thing.  Another picture of, we may be able to fool everybody else, but you can't fool God.  I mastered this skill when I grew up, so I can spot it.
     I can not believe it has been ten years.  The  time does go by faster than you could ever imagine.  You forget things.  It is only when you look back at old pictures or videos that you remember.  In a way it makes me sad.  It is bittersweet.   I can't get those moments back and yet I get to enjoy these moments now and raise her the way God wants me too.  I am truly humbled that God picked me to be her Mommy.    I know it is only a matter of time before that "Mommy saying" starts turning into "Mom"  That I will not be the one she comes to her for all her needs.  That she will want to have her privacy more.  She will become more indepedent and realize that she does not need me.  (well unless it is food, money, or laundry  ;)  ) I just hope that she will always feel comfortable to come to me no matter what.  I will choose to love her no matter what.   I will choose to pray for her everyday.  I will choose to let her grow up and become the woman God will have her be

Janessa 9/28/2009 click for video

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