Thursday, September 3, 2009


so I do not blog enough and I need to more. I have so many thoughts that go through my head all the time. I love to journal but just don't do it. I love to share what I am feeling through blogging because it is a release for me to share write what I am feeling.
well life has been crazy. I am still reading lots. I need to. It is my escape to somewhere and it does not cost a penny. Trust me, I need to escape sometimes. I plan to be more committed in my blogging and hope to bring hope and encouragement to others through some of my posts. Some you may not like because I do not think along the mainstream. I am OK with that. I am just me. What you see is what you get. I am a pretty open book and you don't get many surprises on where I stand or who I am. so with that being said, some updates for you.
Last year as many of you know, is my self proclaimed title "the year of crap" To sum it up for you marriage separation, reconcile, pregnant unplanned, miscarriage when I was starting to be excited about having another one, near divorce, reconciliation of marriage for real because of Christ, and last but not least hubby losing his job. yup it sucked. However, just when I did not think that anything could top it. Here comes 2009. But this time my attitude is way different. I have allowed Christ to be my Lord. Sure he was and is my savior. He absolutely changed lots in me and brought me out of things that should have made me end up dead somewhere, but I still had the attitude of "I am in control" I needed to go through the things I went through all last year so God could get me to the place I am today. I would not change a thing. I could not be in the place of complete trust in Him that I have today without the things that happened.
So, 2009 starts off pretty good. My husband joins the army. Something I completely support and I am so proud of My soldier. But it does come with things that are not hard. So in April he leaves for basic training and school Gone for four months. This is the most we have been separated for 10 years. This was a big adjustment for me and the kids. God gave me the strength and endurance I needed not only for me but our girls. There was only one day that was really bad and I lost control emotionally. We got through it. Around the same time Doug leaving for basic training, Our daughter Abby started throwing up. We associated it with her nerves since she is definitely Daddy's girl and does not handle major life changes well. It would come and go but it definitely progressed as the months went on. Well then last month we find out my adorable 3 year old niece Jael is diagnosed with brain cancer. WHAT? I thought.. she is only supposed to have strep throat. Not her. This happens to other people. This cant be right. Why? So much other things happening this can not be happening now. But then I realized God has a plan. She is so strong. She is so brave. She has not even gotten physically sick with the chemo. Other things are happening that still make me want to scream and stomp my feet and say this is not fair. Heal her God. Heal her now. You can. why does she have to go through all this for the next seven months? then I am reminded like Job, I am not God. He does not think the way I do. I still need to trust Him. So I do. So with this happening, created a sense of urgency that I really need to get Abby to the doctor. This throwing up thing, which now is with every meal and every drink, could be something more. I did have the fear...maybe its cancer. SO we take her to the doctor and after seeing a gastroenterologist, getting a barium scan to see how she is swallowing, then getting an endoscopy, being admitted to the hospital, then getting admitted to Arnold Palmer in Orlando for further testing, getting a manotomy(tube into the nose to the stomach then pull out cm by cm to check the peristalis all while awake), she was diagnosed with Achalasia. Yup, that's what I said acha who? Well, its not her nerves, Its food getting stuck in her esophagus because the muscles wont relax. click on it for details. So she will be getting a Heller Myotomy done to correct it. There is no cure and it could always be something she may have complications. While I was relieved slightly, I still was like what? oh cmon...don't we have enough going on with Jael and moving to GA. oh yeah..I forgot to mention that. we are moving out of state, the place I have lived for 26 years. The same town. My parents still live in the same house. I know how to get around race week like it is not race week. I have my whole entire life there. I will now be officially calling a place that I do not know anybody home. Yet God is still faithful and awesome. He still has a plan. I still serve Him. I still trust him completely in all of this. He has showed me through this that he is blessing me. We have great neighbors that I know we will be good friends with. we have found a new church that we compare a lot to the one we have been going to for nine years. He has given us the opportunity for us to be able to share Christ with our neighbors. He has a purpose and maybe his purpose is for us to lead them to Christ. Imagine what an opportunity for us. and yet I think I cant believe He would choose us for that.
People are watching us and we are told that we have been an encouragement to others. I am truly blessed because they are the ones encouraging me. To keep going, to keep fighting, to not lose faith. Think about, what if God is saying to Satan "have you considered my servant...." to our family? Knowing how we will stand no matter what comes our way. I am humbled if that is so. I also know that if i need to go through the trials to keep me in his word and dependence on Him then so be it. Not that I am inviting the trials to come, but will consider it joy if it keeps me growing in this walk with Christ

by the way Achalasia is very rare like 10 in 100,000 people and mostly middle aged. Even rarer in children. Only rare in other ours things like this are just normal ;)

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