Wednesday, May 25, 2011

so I blog.....

so I blog today.  I tend to need to not do it as much as I would like until something tragic happens.  the tragedy did not happen to me.  the tragedy happened to one of my dear friends. Her brother -n -law.  He died serving this country.  He died in the same country my husband is in now.  He died by getting hit with an IED which is what my husband deals with everyday practically.  (I however like to pretend he rides unicorns and dances with leprechauns and throws glitter) Am I worried now it will happen to him? Not anymore than I do daily.  I actually don't even consider it worry, more concern.  I can't go there.  It won't do any good.  I can not control what goes on there so to worry is just pointless and will cause undo stress.  My four children need me to be strong and be calm.  It just hit so close and causes extreme empathy.  I feel for her and I hurt for her and my friend's family.  I can only slightly begin to imagine the grief and heartache but even then it is not the same and I do not fully have a grasp on what they are going through.  This could happen to us.  non combat zone my patootie.  I do wish he were here today more than ever.  I do only have a few more mere weeks when he actually will be.  I have Christ to cling to.  He has taken the tears I have shed today, the questions and the words of the unfairness of this, and the words I will not write or repeat of what I think of the terrorists.  Christ can take it.  Christ gives me the hope I need to continue on these next few weeks which will seem like they are going to drag.  It is the life if the army wife.  It is not ideal.  It is not what I always want but it is the life I have at the moment.  It is never constant.  It is never anything I can exactly plan for.  It is never anything I expect to be .  It has most importantly to completely trust God to take care of our needs and dependence on Him.  that is what I desire.  If it takes me being in this army life to do that, then I will do it proudly and until God says otherwise.

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