Tuesday, May 8, 2012

Forgiveness and Mercy

So today I decided to use the time while I run to also spend time praying.  Good thing I can multitask. It is hard to pray and concentrate on breathing properly.  I also ran faster.  I think the praying distracted me from realizing how fast I can run.  But I did it.  I also did not really like what God revealed to me about how I have been.  Ugh, conviction.  It is a good thing but who likes to be refined?  The process is never fun.  It hurts.  It brings things to the surface that need to be changed.  But once it is done and dealt with, there is newness.  I have neglected this area of my life for two long.  I have not spent time in prayer in a very long time.  Sure I have lifted up prayers in a drive by way.  I have acknowledged God and daily know He is there. It is kind of like the friend that you know you want and need to spend time with but let things get in the way and then wonder why you let it go in the first place.  I am committed to praying every time I run. I have been convicted on how I talk to the girls at times. I was convicted to ask forgiveness from them.  There were things revealed to me about each one that I needed specific forgiveness for.  I have expectations that I don't need to have.  I then get upset when it does not happen.  I feel I have damaged some things in my girls emotionally that can be repaired, I am hoping.  It is the tone I have used and how it has been perceived.  Each one has responded differently.  I am hoping that we can move on and build a trust again.  I know this will take some time and there will be some mistakes since new habits take time to establish but I know that with being in consistent prayer that things can be done differently.  My girls also know that I am not perfect and I love that they forgive easily.  truly forgive. as in they don't bring it back up again and don't stay mad and become resentful.   I want to strive to forgive like that every time.  I want to speak kindly and be firm if necessary but not make them feel bad about who they are as a person when they need correction.  I don't name call but it is how what I say has been said with the tone I use.  This will change.  I am so thankful for forgiveness. I am so thankful that we can have a new day everyday and leave yesterday where it is,  if we allow it.  I am so thankful that I have been convicted, can ask forgiveness, and change things instead of letting my pride get in the way and just continuing on as if things don't need to change causing irreversible damage and having a horrible relationship with my girls come the teenage and adult years.  I will choose to live in grace daily.

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