Tuesday, May 22, 2012

getting out of complacency

 I am always amazed that when I spend daily time with God after not doing so for long periods of time that He starts purging things out of me.  He starts refining me.  The process is not fun but it is freeing.  I never fully walk away I just get in this place of "OK God that is close enough.  I am good now.  things are good.  no more changes necessary."  It is when I get there that I stop spending in depth time in prayer and in depth time in my Bible.  It is also then that I wonder why I am not content and chase after things that don't matter.  It is then that I wonder why my kids are not in a close relationship with Him either.  We get complacent. I don't like being complacent but at the same time there are things I want to hold on to.  There are things I don't want to change.  I am stubborn.  But when I open my hands and say God do what you need to it is so freeing.  I am currently working on the 12 steps for AA.  Disclaimer: every single person should do them, seriously.  It is not just for alcoholics or people who live with alcoholics (Alanon) They can be applied to every life situation.  I at first thought.  the twelve steps don't apply to me.  I am not the problem.  guess what? I got my own problems that need to be fixed.  another disclaimer: I am not an alcoholic. I am a part of Alanon.

Here are the  12 steps.  change the word alcohol to whatever applies. (food, anger, enabler. etc etc etc)  

The first three steps were easy.  Well step one was when I was able to come to that place that I have no power over the alcoholic in my life.  that took years but when I started these i already had realized that.

two and three: these were done back in a day of October 1997.  Jesus Christ made those two happen.

I am now on four.  I have fought for three weeks doing this.  I don't want to think about things that I have not dealt with or think about things that I need to change or think about hurts I have caused others.  Because again I like to revert back to " I am not the one with the problem."   However I started it last night.  It is freeing  to do.  I felt a weight lifted after doing it that I did not know was there  I am not done but it is a start.  I am working it a couple things at a time.  Step 4 is pretty detailed.    I believe once it is complete and once I am completely done with the twelve steps that a lot of the anger I have hidden and carried, that sometimes comes out when it is too much, will be gone.  I believe I will be more in control of my emotions.  I will come to the place of not having to look like" the strong one and holding it all together for the sake of all around me."   I will be free.  I will be at peace.  I will be more like Christ and that is what is most important.

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